I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
