Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
