It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
