I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
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