Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
