dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
