His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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