i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
