it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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