Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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