and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
