and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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