But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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