I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize