Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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