apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
