1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize