Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
