Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
