I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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