im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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