Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
