dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
