I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
