I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
