I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I'm too high and old for this...
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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