Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Randomize
