i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Help me help you realize you are a moron
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
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