Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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