We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
