I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
