My first STD was from a foam party
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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