I must be too annoying 4 u.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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