he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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