I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize