fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
