piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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