She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
