I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
someone owes me an orgasm
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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