Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
