yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
