Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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