So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Randomize
