I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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