I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Randomize
