I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
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