The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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