Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
