My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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