We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
How drunk are you?
Completed.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
