I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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