I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
