The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
