so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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