1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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