Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
