Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
