My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
