If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
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