In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
