Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
