I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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