just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
