the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I want her autograph on my taint
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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