I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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