just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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