I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
