Banned from zoo.
Again?
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
