There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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