I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize
