just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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