I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
