Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
