I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
