i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
