Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
