I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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