There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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