just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
