Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
