no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
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