You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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