Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
