he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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