That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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