Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
