Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
