I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
