Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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