girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
