is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
