My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
