Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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