yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
