Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
