he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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