Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
