good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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